Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
