cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
