her facebook's as public as her vagina
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
