we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
