I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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