dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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