I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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