Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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