last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
