This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
