I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
