my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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