So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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