rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
