I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
