...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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