4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This is not my ceiling
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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