She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
