Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
