This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
