So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
