I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Randomize
