I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
