I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
