The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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