i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
