my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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