i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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