He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
