best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
40s are totally the cure
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
