I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
