i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
