dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
