We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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