Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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