please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize