i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
