did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
