Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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