"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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