If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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