She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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