the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
