Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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