You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
not ubering you a puppy
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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