take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
