Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
