I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
one two three fourrrrnication!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
