yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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