She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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