Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
