Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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