I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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