Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
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i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
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why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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