bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
