If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
