Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
