Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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