isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
