"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
