Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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