My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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