it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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