I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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