What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
