I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
