I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
