I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize