Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
