your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
