i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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