can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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