I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
