I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
