Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
