I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
