sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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