69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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