The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
