ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
